-Bo Derek

Last night I forced myself through a session of retail-therapy.  This is a common remedy in my family for any emotional / physical ailment that might befall us.  After an extremely successful trip to Ross Park Mall, I logged onto forever21.com to order the items that I sadly couldn’t find in the store.

First and foremost, The Emily Pump: (and of course, as I go to add the link, there are no more in the on-line store.  So sorry, but I got the last pair!)

I initially saw these over at Creature Comforts and it was love at first sight.  Lucky me, they only had one size left and it was mine! 

*Update:  The shoes arrived and to my dismay, the heel is about an inch higher than I can manage to walk in.  They’re getting returned this weekend.  Drats.

The other thing I ordered was this adorable H81 Gingham Drawstring Hem Top

I have an ungodly obsession with plaids and flannels for the fall this year.  This is my first purchase of the two and it might just be my last.  I’m not entirely convinced that I can actually pull off the grunge-chic look that I’ve envisioned in my head. 

On top of all this I purchased a good amount of stuff at the mall that I will have to model for you because the images on the website just don’t do them justice… not that pictures of ME wearing them will be any better.

My favorite purchase of the evening were my boots from Aldo’s.  Which, of course, I’m going to have to model because their website seems to be very uncooperative at the moment. 

Shopping definitely makes me smile.  New shoes especially make me smile, but still in the back of my mind is that nagging reminder of everything that’s going on and when the high of finding my soul-mate in the form of a leather strappy flat boot fades, I realize I need another pair of boots.  Just kidding.  Honestly, though, it’s still hard.  I’m anxious for this trying time of my life to be over with and I know that’s horrible.  One should never wish away their life.  So for the moment, until this passes, I drown my sorrow in guilty pleasures such as boots, tunics, turquoise skinny pants, tv shows and most of all, art.  It’s most certainly wonderful to have this little sheltered world here to release all of my anguish in and know that it’s falling on sensitive ears (or eyes since you are reading) with warm hearts.  It really is amazing to find out that you have friends you’ve never met that can share in your pain and your joy. 

Anyway, thank you, all of you, for being there.  It means so much to me.

-Lebanese Proverb

I haven’t posted a recipe in quite some time now. I thought this would be a good recipe to pick it back up with. I learned this from my lebanese mother-in-law.

Lebanese Maccarun Mensytatoum
Translation - Gnocchis with Garlic Sauce

The dough is so very simple to make. It’s only 3 cups of flour and 1 cup of water, salt to taste. Mix the flour and water as much as you can. When it becomes too gooey to stir, dig in with your hands and knead it until it forms into dough. If it’s sticking to your fingers, add a little more flour. If it’s flaking into pieces, add a little more water. Once you have it at the right consistency cover the bowl with a towel and let it set for 30 minutes.

Next comes the fun part! Break off quarter sized pieces and roll into a ball that fits into your cupped palm.

Place the ball on a floured piece of parchment and press with a fork.

Pull the fork towards you so that the dough rolls and wraps up around the fork, creating a jagged little pocket in the middle of the dough ball. (This is what holds the sauce in the gnocchi)

And voila… you have a gnocchi.

Once you have the entire ball of dough rolled into gnocchis and a big pot of water brought to a boil, dump the gnocchis into the boiling water. Once the gnocchis begin floating in the boiling water, drain them.

The sauce is simple, too. 1/4 cup Oil (whatever kind you prefer) 1/4 cup lemon juice and 5 cloves of garlic. Dump that onto the drained gnocchis, stir and serve!

These are somewhat time consuming, but so delicious and easy to make. It’s great to make when you don’t have time to run to the market because who doesn’t always have flour in the house? Flour and water is all you need! You can use whatever sauce you like or add some cheese. Get creative, they’re really fun and easy to make.

Enjoy!

-Eleanor Roosevelt

Illustration by Me.

Those of you who are close to me already know what’s going on in my life.  The past few months have been difficult.  I’m finally getting answers and now, I want to write everything down.  Release my frustration, my sadness, and the hope that I’m still holding onto. 

My husband, Tom, and I have been trying to conceive since we were married on February 16, 2008.  The first few months of failed attempts were to be expected.  “It takes at least a year for most to conceive the first time,” everyone kept telling us.  ‘Okay,’ I’d tell myself and the next month, when my cycle came, another little piece of me, of my hope was chipped away. 

Finally, in June, my cycle was 3 weeks late.  The home tests were negative, but that was neither here nor there because my mother had to take 3 blood tests before she showed positive of being pregnant with me.  I scheduled a Dr. appt, had more tests done… all negative.  We were told to wait two more weeks, then take another test.  Two days before the two weeks were up my cycle came. 

The part of my hope that came off that month was bigger than before.  I cried for days.  I wondered every night while I tried to fall asleep what was wrong with me.  Everyone told me, “You’re just psyching yourself out, Don’t think about it so much, Stop worrying”… over and over until I wanted to slap everyone that even mentioned my lack of pregnancy having to do with my mental state. 

After that cycle, the day for my next one to come came and went… no period.  I waited 4 weeks this time, still no period.  Two months had passed since my last period when I began to bleed.  It’s been a month and the bleeding continues.  I had enough last week.  I knew something was wrong and it wasn’t in my head.  I requested a sonogram and blood tests from the Dr. with hopes of figuring out what was going on.  A week past and no one called with my test results, so I called them myself.  I got the response that no person really ever wants to hear when asking for test results, “You’ll need to come and speak with Dr. Labella.  She will review your test results with you.  Do you know what PCOS is?”  “No.”  “The Dr. will go over it with you.”

I hung up the phone and began sobbing.  I knew it.  I knew there is something wrong with me and everyone just kept discounting my fears.  I immediately called my mom (I was driving home from work) and she googled PCOS.

My diagnosis is Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome.  Each of my ovaries are completely full of tiny cysts.  As a result, I can’t ovulate.  No wonder we’ve had all these failed attempts.  When I got home I sunk into this abyss of realization and self-pity.  I cried for hours.  I felt useless.  I felt as if my entire existence was without purpose.  If I can’t have children, what good is it being a woman?  I had been trying to come to terms with this idea for the past 7 months… just in case I found out I couldn’t have kids I wanted to make sure I would be okay with it.  I had convinced myself I would, until I heard it for real.  I wasn’t okay.  I want to have children more than anything in the world, to raise a family with my husband, the love of my life, and pass on all the things that my parents taught me. 

I went to see the Dr. 4 days later.  In those four days I really came to resent the med assistant for telling me what it was without any explaination.  Dr. Labella was very optimistic.  She gave me 2 options… to begin taking fertility drugs or to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist for further testing.  The drugs will stimulate ovulation.  Simple as that.  However, there is no cure for PCOS.  There are only treatments to manage it.  We’re still deciding on the best course of action, but I’m so glad to finally have an answer and to be able to move forward. 

So, on top of that, my father-in-law was in the hospital for 3 days last week, my husband had to be rushed to the Dr. with chest pains and difficulty breathing, and I had my wisdom teeth pulled.  It’s just overall been a really really awful few weeks.  I’m hoping that this week to come holds more joy.  It’s been hard to get out of bed and face the day ahead of me.  Tom is wonderful and has been beside me for every step of this.  And if none of this is successful, I will still have the most wonderful life with him, kids or no kids.  It’s just hard to hear that you aren’t perfect, ya know? 

- Henry David Thoreau

Now, to me, EVERYTHING requires new clothes.  Well, maybe not requires, but I certainly use every excuse I can fabricate to buy new clothing.  Shannylee.com’s renovations are underway, not just in appearance, but in content.  Like I said last time, I feel I’ve been holding back on 90% of who I am because I wanted to keep this little place about art only.  PSH!  Yeah, not anymore.  I was feeling suffocated and confined.  Now I know I can get on here and just say whatever I want about whatever I want. 

So more about the clothes…  Now I would be lying if I said that I woke up every morning with butterflies in my stomach at the thought of getting dressed.  Some mornings I wake up wishing I could wear sweatpants and my husband’s Air Force t-shirts with old flip-flops to work, but the better part of me, the self-respecting part of me won’t let me.  I stare into my closet with disdain, wishing my mother had never bred into me my love for clothing, and I conjure up some outfit, ordinary or not, that gives me that little sigh of relief after gazing in the mirror and reflecting on the torment I endured to pick it out.  Then there are my shoes.  I have never dreaded choosing which shoes to wear.  I have quite unhealthy love affair with my shoes.  Whether they be leather ankle boots, gladiator sandals, or peekaboo wedges; I adore them all.  Here is an outfit from this past weekend on a Vespa ride to Soergel’s Orchards.

Shirt: Lux
Vest:  Target
Belt:  H&M
Shoes:  Steve Madden
Sunglasses:  Kenneth Cole

And what girl wears just a t-shirt on a Vespa?  I had tights on, too.  Those came off as soon as the ride was over because I loath tights.  LOATH, I tell you.
 
And shopping on Saturday at Southside Worx:

Shirt:  Kenar
Jeans & Scarf:  H&M
Gladiator Sandals:  Coconuts
Purse:  UO

I may not have time to draw/paint/sew everyrday, but I definitely DO get dressed everyday, so I’ll be around here alot more. 

- Andy Warhol

Photo:  by Me… Driftwood - Ohiopyle, PA.

I know I’m quoting Andy Warhol who happens to be one of the people on my least respected human list, but, not all things that come from any one person are negative.  As a result of personal things going on lately, I’ve been thinking alot about time… my time.  I’ve been considering the things I want to accomplish and why they aren’t happening for me.  I think that everyone experiences moments like this in their lifetime… everyone should, at least.  Everyone should come to a point in their life where they re-evaluate and re-direct themselves.  Well, I’m there.  Last night, as depressing as it was, I asked myself, “If I died next week, what things would I be sorry that I didn’t do?”  Then I got really sad from thinking all of that, picked up my sketchbook and doodled away with my new markers. 

It seems that drawing is an instant cure for all my emotional ailments.  Lately, I’ve had myself locked up in my studio with my sketchbook, pens and markers while watching the entire first (and only) season of Moonlight.  (I have an unhealthy obsession with vampires.) 

Speaking of change, though, I’ve decided to take this little blog of mine in a different direction.  There’s only one aspect of my life that I’ve been portraying here and it’s a completely unbalanced view of who I am.  Art is a huge part of me, but not everything.  Fashion is another love of mine.  Decorating, too.  But, I also love the outdoors… backpacking, snowboarding…  I love reading, I love the theater, I love cooking, and I love love love music.  Most of you probably don’t even know that I’ve been classicaly trained on the piano from the age of 7 or that I play the guitar and flute, too.  So, from this moment on, this blog isn’t just about my art.  It’s about me, all of me.  I’ll be doing some re-decorating here soon, as well, to more appropriately represent my style, my taste, my personality.  I’m going to start talking about everything that I love.

To start… I’ve gone a little Etsy crazy lately with ordering prints for my house.   Here are a few of the ones I have ordered so far:::

Waiting By The Sea - My Folk Lover

My Captain… We’ve Reached The End Of The World
Hidenseek

Both of these will be going in my bedroom.  For some reason I have a thing for girls with boats on their heads….!?  I honestly didn’t even realize I had done it until after I ordered them both.  Weird.

Anyway, off to work!  I hope everyone (in the States) had a wonderful holiday weekend.  I definitely did!

-Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Today marks 32 years of marriage for my parents.  The quote above totally embraces one of the biggest lessons that I’ve learned from my parents and their marriage.  You need to be a team.  I’ve seen so many relationship fall apart because 2 people can’t look in the same direction together.  They fight against each other like enemies fighting a war until they completely destroy every connection that their souls had.  It’s quite sad.  Mom and Dad, though, I’ve seen them make it through some really tough times, hand in hand, never faltering.  If one falls, the other bends down to help them up.  They never let go of each other’s hands  through anything and because of that, I’m able to have a wonderful relationship with my husband now.  They’ve taught my more through their love for each other than I could have ever learned any other way.  I’ve also learned that no marriage will ever last without a sense of humor.  If you spent one day with my family, you’d realize that our sense of humor is what we thrive on.  If you can’t laugh at yourself, you’ll never survive. 

So thanks,  Dad and Mom, for loving each other so much that it poured out all over us kids and sent us off into our own lives covered in what you guys worked so hard to bestow upon us.  All of us kids are better people because of you.  We will always love you as deeply and completely as you have loved us all of our lives. (Mom, try not to be too upset that I put that picture up there.  You look beautiful.)

- Leonardo Da Vinci

At long last the hummingbird is finished and in the hands of it’s rightful owners.  My new sister-in-law requested a hummingbird illustration in blue and green. 

Pat and Jen were in Ohiopyle this weekend with some friends, so Mom, Dad and Tom and I drove down to spend Sunday with them.  The newlyweds surprised us a few weeks ago with the news that they are expecting!!  I’m going to be an aunt!  I’m so thrilled for them.  All of their friends were going rafting, but because of Jen’s… uh.. condition, they decided to stay back and hang out with us.  We hiked along the river for a while and then drove up to Kentuck Knob. 

Kentuck Knob is another of Frank Lloyd Wright’s masterpieces tucked into the hills of Pennsylvania.  The home was built for the Hagen ice cream family.  Needless to say, the house is beautiful.  It’s much more of a liveable space than Falling Water is.  I took a ton of pictures that I will post later.  Here is one of all of us on an overlook beside the falls at Ohiopyle.  It had to be the most beautiful day ever.  The only thing missing is Lindi and Ryen.  Boo. 

So says Tom Stoppard.  I think it’s only partially true.  I think that at times people have skill and choose to lay it at rest in order to have a more emotional reflection of themselves in their art.  Skill, to me, is like a stencil, a guideline at times.  There are alot of times when I’m glad I decided not to go to art school because my style wasn’t molded by those teaching me.  However, there are skills I wish I had learned from someone and that I am now looking for ways of learning it on my own. 

Anyway…. here’s an illustration I’m working on currently for myself.  Yep, that’s right.  FOR ME.  I’ll have prints made, but the original is staying put in my living room.  I really love drawing things just for no reason at all.  It’s very inspiring because I know I can make it whatever I want without worrying what someone else will think of it.  I feel those are the pieces that are the greatest… the ones without inhibition, the ones where desire crashes with imagination and creates something so uniquely defined by a person’s own perception.  This piece is the beginning of that for me.  Make of it what you wish…

So I’ve had zero time lately to do anything except work.  Work at work, work at home… just work work work.  I haven’t had any chance to get on Google Reader and read all the gazillion blogs that I’m addicted to.  I decided to pop in just now to check out one or two… well… the total number of blog entries I have unread on my reader…  342!!  I need to take a day off work just to read all the blogs I’m subscribed to.  I’m seriously so overwhelmed by it right now that I just had to close it.  It’s killing me because I want to read every single one of them at this very second!  Maybe tonight…  Anyway, expect some comments from me this week because I’m definiteliy going to catch up on my blog-reading. 

In the meantime… check out My Charlie Girl.  I’m in love with Bec’s drawings.  Not only is she a great artist, she’s such a nice person, too.  It’s too bad she lives in Australia.  Why can’t cool people like her live in Pittsburgh?

Right now, I’m absolutely obsessed with the illustrations of Yellena James.  I’m about to purchase at least one, but I can’t decide for the life of me which one I want!  They are all so beautiful.  The color composition entrances me.

I love the organic feel that her illustrations have and how each line on the page seems to be alive.  I am entirely to anxious to have one of these hanging on my wall.